Keep the Brotherhood Away From the Zoo
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Inspired by Red Witch. Lance gives a piece of advice on how to deal with the Brotherhood.


**Note: This story refers to the stories "Night of the Giraffe", "Back to the Zoo, Toad" and "The Brotherhood Survival Handbook" by Red Witch.**

* * *

**Keep the Brotherhood Away From the Zoo**

"I can't believe this," Lance grumbled as he slouched on the couch in the living room. "A hundred channels and not a decent thing on. We gotta find a better cable station to steal from."

"Hey Lance," Todd and Fred trudged into the room. Todd leaned over the back of the couch next to Lance. "We're bored."

"Well so am I, but you don't see me complaining about it," Lance snapped irritably.

"There's nothing to do around here and the refrigerator's empty," Fred complained. "Can we go to the grocery store?"

"Freddy, we're banned from every grocery store and market in town," Lance replied patiently. "The last one we went to had three aisles relocated to the employee's parking lot. And the music store next to it still smells like rotten sauerkraut."

"Yo, I am bored, bored, bored," Todd slumped his head into a cushion. "Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I'm bored with a capital bor!"

"I'm hungry," Fred leaned against a wall.

"I'm getting a headache," Lance groaned placing a hand to his head.

"Hey, I got it! How about we go to the zoo?" Todd asked.

"That's a great idea Toad!" Fred beamed. "We can see the animals and get snacks at the same time!"

"No! There is no way on Earth I'm taking you two lunatics to the zoo!" Lance snapped. "I hate the zoo! Every time we go you end up causing trouble!"

"Come on Lance, pleassseee?" Todd begged and looked at him with big eyes.

"Yeah, pleassseee?" Fred joined in.

"No, no and no!" Lance shouted sharply.

"Will you guys shut up!" Pietro zipped downstairs from his room and glared at them. "You're pathetic whining is ruining my concentration. I'm working on a plan to defeat the X-Men."

"It's Lance's fault," Todd stuck out his tongue. "We're bored and he won't take us to the zoo."

"The zoo. Hmmm…" Pietro thought. "That's not a bad idea. I could use a break. A change of scenery. Get some inspiration. And we can stop at the store on the way back."

"Oh no! Not you too," Lance groaned. "Pietro we are not going to the zoo!"

"Hey, you're not the boss here anymore! I'm the boss!" Pietro shouted at him. "And I say we go to the zoo!"

"Yay!" Todd cheered and jumped up from the couch.

"Goodie! Let's go!" Fred started out the door.

"Forget it," Lance said. "I'm not going and I'm not letting you have the keys to my jeep."

"Awww, come on Lance," Todd pleaded.

"In your dreams," Lance shot back.

"Okay, fine. You just sit there and enjoy yourself," Pietro grinned and quickly zipped away. He returned a second later. "We'll just have to find something else to do." He showed Fred and Todd a tome entitled "The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook" he had picked up.

"Yeah, that's it," Todd nodded with a smile. "Just ignore us."

"I wish," Lance moaned as the other three members of the Brotherhood quietly snuck out the front door. He started flipping through channels again. "Just my luck to be stuck with the three most insane housemates in existence. I must be being punished for something. There's no way anyone could be as crazy as they are."

"G'day mate!" Pyro called out as he, Remy and Piotr entered the Brotherhood House. "How ya going?"

"What the?!" Lance nearly fell off the couch in shock. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Just came by to hang out for a while," Remy said leaning against the doorway. "Figured you guys wouldn't mind the company."

"Yeah, well if you're looking for Pietro he's around here doing who knows what with Blob and Toad," Lance grumbled.

"Yes. We saw them out front doing something to the car," Piotr said.

"WHAT?! Lance yelped and ran to the front door just in time to see the Brotherhood drive off. "MY JEEP! THOSE LUNATICS HOTWIRED MY JEEP! AGAIN!"

"Calm down there, mate. No need to get worked up about it," Pyro looked around the living room. "Boy this place is a dump."

"My jeep," Lance moaned and stumbled back toward the couch.

"Where are they going?" Piotr glanced out the window.

"The zoo," Lance groaned and held a hand to his head.

"Neat! Sounds like fun!" Pyro laughed and plopped into a chair. "Ya know those curtains look really flammable."

"No! You don't get it. Those guys and the zoo are a bad combination," Lance started to pace around the room. "Very bad. As in oil and nitroglycerine bad."

"Boy and I thought Mags was stressed," Remy noted Lance's nervous state.

"Huh?" Lance looked at him.

"Oh, it's nothing," Pyro waved. "Mags is just a little tiffed and needs some time alone."

"Especially since we accidentally made his desk dissolve and filled his office with giant cantaloupes," Piotr added.

"What?" Lance blinked.

"Forget about it," Remy said. "How come you didn't go with the rest of those guys to the zoo?"

"Are you nuts?" Lance looked at him. "I still have nightmares about being at the zoo with them. You wanna know what a trip with those guys is like?" Lance snatched his guitar and strummed a few notes on it. "_Here's my story. It's sad but true._"

"Hmmm," Piotr thought.

"_It's about those guys and what they do_," Lance continued.

"Oooh," Pyro leaned forward with anticipation.

"_They take my jeep and run around…_" Lance paused dramatically. "_…to the only zoo in town._"

"Oh boy," Remy grinned as Lance started to play his guitar. "This should be interesting."

"_Guess I should have known it from the very start_!" Lance sang. "_That they'd go and tear that place apart! Now listen people what I'm telling you! Keep the Brotherhood away from the zoo!_"

"Yeah!" Pyro cheerfully bopped his head to the beat.

"_I always get the same look on my face!_" Lance wailed on his guitar. "_After seeing what they do to that place! So if you don't wanna cry like I do! Keep the Brotherhood away from the zoo!_"

"Whoa," Piotr blinked as Lance jumped on top of the coffee table.

"_Ah, they like to travel around!_ _With insanity and chaos bound!_" Lance sang. "_Now people let me put you wise! Stay clear of those Brotherhood guys!"_

"_Here's the moral and the story from the guy who knows! I'm in shock and my shock still grows! Ask any fool that they ever knew, they'll say, 'Keep the Brotherhood away from the zoo!'_"

"Yeah!" Pyro laughed as the Acolytes got into the swing of things. They jumped up and started dancing around to the beat.

"Yeah, keep away from those guys," Lance warned. "Who knows what they'll do. Keep 'em away from the zoo!"

"_Awwwwww!_" the Acolytes swayed and danced in synch.

"_They like to travel around, yeah! With insanity and chaos bound!_" Lance sang. "_Now people let me put you wise! Stay clear of those Brotherhood guys! _

_"Here's the moral and the story from the guy who knows! I'm in shock and my shock still grows! Ask any fool that they ever knew, they'll say, 'Keep the Brotherhood away from the zoo!'_"

Upstairs one member of the Brotherhood had reached their noise tolerance limit. "What the heck is going on down here?" Wanda snapped as she made her way downstairs. "Pietro you better not have had two pots of coffee again…" she trailed off as she reached the living room and looked in.

"Yeah, close the gate on those guys!" Lance laughed maniacally. "Don't you dare let them through!"

"Keep 'em away from the zoo!" Remy cheered as the Acolytes sang and danced around.

Wanda quickly turned around and made her way back to her room muttering, "And they say **I'm** the scary one."

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Runaround Sue". ****The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook comes from Red Witch.**


End file.
